Rob Abrazado (flatvurm) wrote,
Rob Abrazado

Recaps, updates, forecasts, and other deficiencies

I've been so underwater for so long that, when I think about coming back to the ol' blog, I really just don't know where to start. The most glaringly important recent event, though, has got to be my return to a state of unemployment, so let's start there.

I quit my job about a week ago. Some time before that -- maybe a week, week-and-a-half -- I had taken a couple days off for...I dunno...lethargy or sanity or whatever, so it's not like it was a huge shock that I was reaching my limit, but...well, there you go. Some time before that, it was starting to dawn on me that the job wasn't really doing it for me, and from was really just a bumpy ride downhill.

There's not really a lot to review, in the sense that it's not like I have a list of grievances or anything. The job itself was fine, by which I mean the tasks required of me were not egregiously difficult or dangerous. The people were fine, by which I mean no one was abusive or disrespectful, and I more or less got along with everyone involved. The company was fine, by which I mean I had no bone to pick with its mission or direction. Overall, things were, well, fine. By which I mean I felt like the life was being squeezed out of me on a daily basis.

See, I have this thing -- and this is a pattern I've seen repeated in my life many times -- where once a particular switch gets flipped in my brain where I decide a job is no longer for me, life just gets progressively worse until I quit that job. I will admit that in this particular experience, I reached that point faster than I ever have before, making this the briefest job I've ever held, sure. Whether coincidental or not, it was also the most menial and lowest-paid job I've ever held, so it's not like I'm giving up the chance of a lifetime here. But was my job and I gave it up. And in a kind of weird way, for reasons I can't fully explain.

Like I was mentioning a couple paragraphs ago, from the outside, there wasn't really any reason I should have felt the way I did. I just knew that, for whatever reason, I was falling off a cliff. A horrible, depressive, schizoid cliff. I am willing to entertain the possibility that the job wasn't responsible for this, or solely responsible, anyway, but I knew I wasn't going to be able to do anything about it while still working, so...well, that was that. And now that I'm not working, while I'm not skipping down the streets singing and turning cartwheels, I am feeling demonstrably better about myself and my life, so at least that's something. I'm drawing some comfort from the apparent confirmation that, based on the improvement in my emotional state, I made the right decision.

The downside (the only downside, really) of making this decision was that it didn't come with a plan for any next moves, so in a sense I'm kind of back where I was a few months back. Now...following the patterns established thus far in my life, normally after quitting a job this way and for these reasons...I generally skip town. I'm not doing that this time around, so this really is like being just how I was a few months ago. So it may be best to just treat the last few months like a bad dream and just...pick up where I left off. That's probably not the greatest or most incisive plan, but it is the easiest, so...we'll see.

Regardless, the salient point here is that I have no plans for the immediate future. I'm taking a little bit of time to just kind of kick back and do my know, like I do...and then I guess there's nothing for it but to start the job hunt and all that crap over again. I am, though, going to give myself this little vacation time. Nothing beats vacation time.

So...what have I been doing for the last week? More than I expected to, actually. I surprised myself, the day after leaving work, by accepting my sister's invitation to come up and hang with her in Jersey for a little bit, which was great fun. We caught a meal or two and rented the DVD of that new Karate Kid movie, because the old one figured so hugely in our collective childhood, so how could we not give this one a look? (Final analysis: not bad! Better than expected for me, anyway. Less 80s and more pathos. Also...more age-inappropriate romance, but that may just be me getting old.)

I came back from that and just kinda killed the weekend, I guess. I've been doing some chores here and there...some household stuff, a little work on my bike (I broke another pedal recently), just stuff that was hanging around and needing doing. I'm supposed to visit with my mom later on this week, which I'm looking forward to. I dunno...mostly looking to kind of reconnect my life a little more to the outside world again. That's never really something I put a high premium on, but when things were dark for me, it was really tough to get out of my own head. I realize that's a big side effect of the loner instinct, but...I dunno. In this day and age, there's just no call for that. Or maybe there is...I'm just extra-alienated because I still refuse to engage in Facebookery. ;)

In any case, things are more or less back the way they used to be. I'm broke, kinda lost in life, and have no goals, plans, or prospects. Business as usual here in Robland. But now at least I have all the free time I want. Could be worse!
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