Rob Abrazado (flatvurm) wrote,
Rob Abrazado

The nightmare, the dream, the reality

So I had a dentist appointment the other day. This is still part of that ongoing molar saga that I've got going on currently. For those keeping score, the root canal is done, but I need some kind of periodontal procedure done before the crown can get finished, or some blah-de-blah, and to keep costs down I'm getting this done in one of our fabulous local dental schools. This was to be my first appointment at this place, so the day before I was supposed to show up, I did a trial run on my bike to scope out the route to the location. This is just something I do now...if I'm biking somewhere new where time is actually a factor, if at all possible I try to do a dry run before the actual event. You know...suss out any potential problems or surprises. (As an aside, it's generally turned out to be a good thing to do because, a nutshell, Google Maps is great, but it doesn't know shit about hills.)

Anyway. So I'd finished my rehearsal ride, was satisfied with the route, and I was taking my sweet and circuitous time getting back home, just trying to get more exposure to parts of the city that I haven't visited yet. Which are many. So I'm going down the street and, having just maneuvered around a city bus that had pulled over to the side for a passenger exchange, I was pushing through an intersection when suddenly my left peddle snapped right off the bike underneath me.

That, friends, is a bummer.

This was actually a concern of mine that I housed some many weeks back, as I had put these pedals on the bike myself and was paranoid that I'd mucked it up, as I generally do with any physical task, and I spent some amount of time worrying that they'd come off while I was riding. As it turns out, it was not actually the fault of my mechanical inexperience that the pedal snapped off. It was actually the fault of my being an ungainly ogre of a cyclist. Which is to say, the pedal spindle, the middle part that attaches to the crankshaft, just snapped right off under my foot in what, I might add, was an astoundingly clean break. And while I had been worried about pedals coming off in the past, that it did so was not actually the nightmare scenario that came to pass. The nightmare scenario that came to pass was that the break happened as I was beginning a standing downstroke, so the sudden loss of support under my foot meant that two things happened: one, I hit the ground surprisingly hard (it's like when you unexpectedly step off a curb, except that curb is a foot and a half high and you're also sprinting) and two, my fall was somewhat arrested by the top tube of my bike frame smashing into my scrotum.

With all that was happening, I am pleased to report that (a) I did not fall down, and more importantly (b) I was not subsequently run over by that bus I had just passed. (No word yet on any change in my fertility.) I managed to awkwardly and tenderly skip and mince my way to a stop and get over to the sidewalk to catch my breath. The pedal was actually in a couple pieces (some kind of housing or cover had slipped off the spindle), but I managed to retrieve all the parts from the street, so that was good. In my mind at the time, I had still assumed that the pedal had just somehow gotten disconnected in a fairly standard way and I could maybe just reconnect it and get home, but after I discovered that, no, a piece of it was still actually screwed into the crankshaft, well...I knew I'd be heading home with one pedal in the bike and one in my pocket.

It was actually harder than I imagined to ride my bike with only one pedal. I thought it would just be a matter of inertia and pushing harder with the one leg I could still use, The coasting feature of geared bikes means I'd actually need a toe clip or something to actually pull that off. I was, however, able to kind of gimp along on the pedalless side for long stretches, at least enough to keep the crankshaft turning, so I was more or less able to bike back home. I mean...I walked about a quarter of the way...maybe a third...but whatever it was, even lame broken biking took me the three miles or so home a lot faster than walking back would have.

Anyway. I still had my previous pedals laying around at home, so after some consultation with metalepticfit, I grafted the old pedals back on there that afternoon and have had a functional bike since then, so yay! I guess I'll be looking for another set of pedals again, but honestly I'm not in a rush. Maybe I'll just wait for one of these ones to break next. ;)

* * *

I had this dream a couple nights ago that I was in one of those buddy action films. This was a particular subgenre or that setup... Okay, so those buddy action flicks or buddy cop flicks usually have these partners that are opposites or mismatched in some way, yeah? But generally it's just that they have different styles or specialties or something, but are equally good at what they do. This film was more like that kind where there's one awesome dude and one incompetent dude. I was the incompetent dude. And the awesome dude? Was Barney Stinson. Yes...Neil Patrick Harris' character on How I Met Your Mother. I don't remember many of the fine details, but suffice it to say that the movie was actually really cool and fun. It should come as a surprise to no one that Barney Stinson, Action Hero was awesome at what he did. Besides the fact that it was nighttime and in New York City, all I really remember is that our main deal was fighting some kind of super soldier cyborg woman. There was lots of gunfire and explosions. And I'm not 100% sure about this, but I think the cyborg woman was Robin. I mean...Scherbatsky...not, like..."and Batman." Also I want to point out that I wasn't dreaming about shooting this movie...I mean, I was in the movie...I was living it. And it was glorious, friends. Glorious.

* * *

So I've been out of commission for a while. As some of you may have noticed (and as was actually pointed out to me recently), I haven't posted in quite some time. Almost a month! I don't know where the time goes, honestly, but I do know that once I fall out of the habit, it's hard to just kind of jump back in there. That dentist thing went fine, though it was really just a formality for forms and junk...the real procedure is still to come).

What I have been doing lately is diving into the job search with more earnestness which, honestly, fills me with daily depression and dread. (That's alliteration!) So that has kind of put me in a non-blogging mood. Other than that, I've basically just been stepping up a lot of Netflix streaming, and I've kinda been plugging away at Xenosaga because...well, I don't know. I just woke up one day and decided I needed to be involved in some lengthy console RPGing. *shrug* I'm just a champion timewaster sometimes.

And in that vein, recent events brought to mind one of those schticks you don't see any more. I think this is something I picked up from Adam Carolla, but once in a while I noticed that there's some kind of schtick or trope or gag that seemed ubiquitous when I was younger, but that I don't feel like I've seen in a while. Like a cartoon character getting hit on the head and a weird appendage-like bump instantly growing out. You know? Does that even happen any more?

Anyway. Recent events got me to thinking: you know what gag I don't feel like I've seen in a really long time? A guy taking a hit in the nuts and then speaking in falsetto. I feel like that happened a lot in pop entertainment when I was younger. Off the top of my head, I can think of two examples: one from an episode of Night Court, and I remember it being a gag in the classic comedy film Planes, Trains & Automobiles. Coincidentally, both of those occurrences happened in 1987. Anybody got anything more recent?

Peace out, party people. Smell ya later!
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