Rob Abrazado (flatvurm) wrote,
Rob Abrazado

Open letter

Been a while since I dropped an open letter on you guys, huh? Well, here's one for which I just now received inspiration while doing part of my periodical financial self-checkup.

* * *

Dear Chase Bank,

Some months ago, you took over ownership of a credit card account in my name formerly held by Washington Mutual, which itself took the account over from Providian, which was the initial owner when I signed up for the account more than ten years ago. In the time I've had this credit card, the credit limit has, for one reason or another, been increased at various points until reaching what I considered the somewhat impressive, if not at least useful, amount of $15,293. For much of my decade of cardholding, I've been carrying a balance on that card and dutifully making timely payments while effectively setting no small amount of money just completely on fire in a vain attempt to satisfy the gaping, cavernous maw of accumulating interest which more or less forms the basis of your company's means of profiting from my debt.

Last month I was fortunate enough to secure a sizable loan with a separate creditor with much more beneficial (to me) terms than you were offering. Using those funds, I paid off, in full, my debt to you, and cleared that particular credit card of all outstanding balance. In perusing my statement this month (an act I took it upon myself to perform, as I have not, at this time, actually received any notice from you that my statement was available for perusal), I noticed two interesting and unexpected changes to the expected status of my account.

Firstly, I noticed that, as I previously mentioned, I have long held with you a decently-sized credit limit upwards of $15,000, though as of this month's statement I see you have seen fit to lower that number to $250. While I of course do not begrudge you the right to make adjustments to my line of credit with your company, I do find myself wondering if it is customary that when reducing a customer's purchasing power by upwards of 98%, as you have, that you would generally in some way notify the affected person of this fact. I ask purely for academic reasons, as there seems little point in arguing about it now.

Secondly, I see that you have charged my account one dollar.

Please be advised that I will, of course, once again pay off all debt outstanding on this credit card, this time for an amount reaching the sum of one (1) dollar, and rest assured that, before remitting payment, I will personally wipe that very dollar on my stank white ass, you dickless, non-notifying, freakish bizarro world bean-counters. Smell it. Take a deep breath, scratch it, and sniff it. Sniff my dollar. Do you smell that? That is the smell of cancellation. That is the smell of ten years of account-holding with you or someone in your long line of parasitic, blood-sucking antecedents, once able to put on credit, say, an inexpensive automobile, and now being just almost (but not quite) able to buy that new video game console. You dirty, dirty people.

Still, I thank you for making the decision easy for me as to whether or not I should keep this account active. Clearly you feel I no longer have use for an extensive line of credit with your company and, I must confess, you are quite right.

Yours, etc.
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