So. Work. Work is work. It was a rough start today. See above regarding emotional turmoil, but also I was slated for a meeting that I had kinda been expecting to be a hard one, so I was doubly unmotivated to come in. Turned out the meeting wasn't so bad, though, which was nice. Also I basically didn't do anything; my teammate D led the charge on that particular mission, and she was great as always. Getting past that actually lifted a pretty big weight off my shoulders, to be honest. I felt a lot better for the remainder of the afternoon, and I got a lot of shit done that needed doing. So by the time my work day was over, I was in a pretty good mood.
Then afterward, of course, chilling on the MM stream is always a good time, so I'm actually headed to bedtime tonight feeling all right about things. Phil seems pretty solid about going to Dreamation, which is great news, and I think Senda's going to try and make it out there, too. If I don't make it to Dreamation this year, considering the attendance list and also the fact that this is the first year where I don't have an existing scheduling conflict, I really want to make it out there. At least for like just a day or something. Previously, Tabitha and I would go to Wicked Faire every year, which was always scheduled opposite Dreamation. Last year was the final Wicked Faire, though, and the replacement con (Glimmerdark) was scheduled for a different weekend, so bully for me and Dreamation. :) (We may not even go to Glimmerdark, it turns out, but I think we're still going to go away for the weekend.)
I forgot to mention this, but I picked up some cider this past weekend, and I forgot until tonight that I had it, so I'm enjoying a nice glass of cider before I head to bed. I'm not sure why that bore mentioning, really, except that it's delicious and it makes me feel good.
Let me talk about therapy for a bit. We talked a little more about my "all or nothing" attitude, and I realized that when some things are going poorly, it's hard for me to connect emotionally with things that are going well. That's kind of my exercise this week, in a way, to try and poke at that a little bit. I have trouble taking compliments. I mean, that's just a general thing about me. But close cousin to that is that I also don't really respond to encouragement when I'm feeling down. It feels...empty? Even duplicitous. I mean, I have no earthly reason not to trust the people I talk to, and I would believe them in any other context, but it's just for some reason I can't latch on to positive feedback to recalibrate my own evaluations of myself. I remember this was often an issue when doing performance reviews at work, actually, now that I think about it for a bit. I dunno...I'm in a weird, murky area where I can't determine if what I'm feeling is, for lack of a better word, "legitimate" based on environment and situation, or if this is just a kind of depression trough or something. I guess this is a bit of a rehash from what I was talking about yesterday, but the big problem is that not being able to tell those things apart means I don't know what to do about it; the two situations call for two very different reactions. So, as is the motto for empiricists like me, I need more data. I know I'm not going to find it blogging, though, and I have dishes to do and unconsciousness to apply to my brain.
Someday maybe I'll learn how to sign off blog posts. Not today, though.
Actually, you know what just came to me? I like how Will Hindmarch would sign off on the (now sadly concluded) Design Games Podcast. And so, to paraphrase a great man...
What do people say at the end of a blog post? What happens if it just