Rob Abrazado (flatvurm) wrote,
Rob Abrazado

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A lackluster return

Hello, world. Or whatever subsection of world comprises the group of people that are going to see this. According to this very LiveJournal, I haven't blogged since the summer of 2011. That seems unimaginably long ago, when I stop and think about it. It's not like I haven't had some kind of online presence here and there. Mostly Facebook, a bit of Twitter, stuff like that, but the real meat-and-potatoes long-form blogging -- yeah, none of that. But it's a brand new year, and I'm full of the hope and possibility of a new lease on life, so let's see if we can get this going again, shall we?

[EDIT: Looks like the lj-cut tag renders apostrophes in the text attribute as quotation marks? Well pardon me while I write around not using contractions. :P ]

What has been happening
When last we left off, I was in the process of moving out of Philadelphia and heading back to "Chateau Tallcake" on the Pennsylvania/New Jersey border. I had gotten a job in NYC and had been commuting there from Philly for, oh, maybe four or five months. Well, at the risk of spoiling the ending, I still currently have that same job (or, more accurately, still work at that same company). I did stay at Tallcake for a while, then did some house-sitting in Queens, and then finally got my own place on Staten Island where I remain to this day. That's been since, oh, summer of 2012. So for those keeping score, that's coming up on five years at this job, which is the longest I've ever worked anywhere or done anything, and three-and-a-half years at this residence, which has to at least be in the top three. In addition, somewhere around late 2011/early 2012 I reconnected with an old flame, Tabitha (lucidam), and we've been seeing each other ever since, so that's also a record-breaker for me for longest relationship. So with all of that, it sounds like things have been slowing down and solidifying for me a bit.

Except. You knew there was an "except," right?

In early 2013, during my commute to work, I had a frightening enough experience thinking my body was failing me that I actually sought medical attention, which is a pretty drastic step for me, not being much of a doctor-going type. After a few exciting but ultimately unproductive visits to various specialized offices, I eventually came to realize that it was a panic attack. After some time passed and I realized things weren't getting any better, I eventually got into some therapy. Then I left therapy. Then I went back to therapy, and I've stayed in ever since. It's been very helpful, and I think it has improved my life quite a bit. I've become better at recognizing and dealing with anxiety and depression, and also I like to think I've been making some progress just as a human haver of emotions, which, you know, has never really been my strong suit.

So...Staten Island. Why would anybody move to Staten Island? For those not familiar, Staten Island is one of the five boroughs of New York City, kind of the reject cousin of the family. It's about as New Jersey as you can get while still technically being New York City. Remember that TV show Jersey Shore? That had to do less with the actual Jersey Shore than it did to do with Staten Island. In any event, occasionally, even rarely, there are also decent people who live on Staten Island, and the aforementioned old flame is one of them, so that is why I now live on Staten Island.

So I think that hits the major catchup points for the last several years. Job, house, relationship, mental health. I'm sure more details will get filled in as we go along. Which brings me to...

What is happening now
I still don't really know why, but I've been feeling pretty optimistic about 2016. I feel like this year I can get some shit done. So I'm trying to ring in the new year by taking some steps in that direction. For one, I signed up for one of those dumb gamification sites where I can earn points for cleaning my room or whatever. This is in the hopes that it will help me keep a bit organized or at least keep my eye on the ball of trying to live a better life, which is something I can get pretty lazy about, to be honest.

Also, on Facebook recently, just as a joke I talked about maybe starting up the ol' LiveJournal again. Certain parties, which will remain nameless unless they would like to reveal themselves, actually encouraged that idea, and I did want 2016 to include more blogging, I am. I had originally had in mind the idea of keeping a "real" blog, not necessarily a journal like this, but one doesn't preclude the other, and this is certainly something I can get started immediately, we are. It will also afford me a chance to keep track of how things are proceeding this year, and it will give me a way to look back at year's end to see how it all went. (That may have been saying the same thing twice just now.)

It's been a while, as mentioned, so I don't know quite yet if I have specific goals for this space. It's going to definitely be a lot less of sharing links and web quizzes and stuff; that's what Facebook is for now. Depending on if or how much you may be familiar with this blog's extant content, you may be surprised to find a lot less being said about certain previously prevalent topics, like poker. Or bicycles. It's also likely I'll be saying less about roleplaying games, but that's (hopefully) going to be because I move that kind of talk to a more dedicated space. I guess I see this being much more of a journal than it was before -- today I did this; I want to remember that. Something to aid my worsening memory and also to keep me accountable.

Ah, and speaking of which, I didn't really come into this with a specific list of resolutions or anything for the new year. I just have a general sense of wanting to do things better, but I suppose it couldn't hurt to outline a few prominent ideas. So, with that in mind, in 2016 I would like to:

  • eat better
  • get more exercise
  • sleep better (more regularly, if not more, period)
  • not smoke
  • read more
  • write more
  • game more

That last one is a biggie. I know I just said I wouldn't talk much about RPGs, but lemme talk a little bit here about RPGs. I never lost my love for the hobby; I think we can all agree on that. But somewhere along the way, during the Philly years, in fact, I started picking up on RPG podcasts. And oh, man, was that a personal Renaissance for me. I've jumped back in with an enthusiasm I haven't felt in a while, and this time I'm all about not just games, but game design. I'm really interested in the design process and RPG designers and writers, and in the last few years, the rise of crowdfunding has just completely revolutionized RPG publishing as a whole. This extends to board and card games, as well, but my interest is weighted much more toward the RPG side. In any case, I've found adult life to be grossly unaccommodating to real, honest-to-goodness, face-to-face tabletop RPG sessions, so I want to see if I can break through some of that inertia and get some games going this year. It's pretty expensive and honestly a bit ridiculous to only be able to get my gaming in at cons.

The rest of the stuff is pretty standard, and honestly it just takes some time and care and attention and FUCKING WILLPOWER, so we'll see how all that goes. That's the kind of stuff that the gamification is supposed to help with, so yeah. Experiment underway.

I think that's a good enough catchup post for now. In summary: I'm living and working in NYC again, look to be for a while, in a stable relationship, look to be for a while, and in therapy for an anxiety disorder, and look to be for a while. In 2016, I'm looking to just overall improve my health and do some more things I enjoy, and maybe I'll even use blogging to help track it. Hopefully catch you all again soon.

So hello again, everybody. Good to be back. Have a happy new year!
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