Rob Abrazado (flatvurm) wrote,
Rob Abrazado
flatvurm

Ambition

Now it's over, I'm dead
And I haven't done anything that I want
Or I'm still alive
And there's nothing I want to do

- They Might Be Giants, "Dead"


Something came up a while back that referenced somebody or other having childhood dreams, and it set my mind wandering. I've often had cause to examine my own personal lack of ambition in life, but this time I got to wondering...is this a recent thing, or was I always so blasé? I know as early as high school I already had some idea of my pending mediocrity; I remember very clearly in English class being asked to pen a brief description of my future self, and my depiction of a life of soulless, corporate pencil-pushing earned me a hard stare from the teacher.

But this question forced me back even further than that: did I ever want to do anything? Did I ever have childhood dreams? I couldn't recall anything like that on my own, so I asked my mom if she remembered me ever having something I wanted to do when I was younger. Her response, and I am quoting directly: "I recall you once bursting into tears because you were overwhelmed by the idea of having to find housing and pay bills and all that grown-up stuff." Nice. And...while I don't actually recall that particular incident, I will say that, looking at my life, it does sound incredibly like me.

Anyway, so I'm assuming my chronic lack of goal-setting has pretty much been a lifelong thing. So it occurred to me to poll you guys: Anyone out there remember having any childhood dreams? Successful or not, realistic or not, I'm curious to hear. What did you want to be when you grew up?
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