Rob Abrazado (flatvurm) wrote,
Rob Abrazado
flatvurm

Crazy and love

So I just watched this movie called The Science of Sleep, which was faintly bizarre in that it took place in three different languages and at least two different realities, so that was kind of fun. It's about...well, it's hard to say, I guess. It's kind of a dysfunctional love story. The love itself isn't so dysfunctional, but the main character is a little nuts, so that spices things up a little bit. At any rate, the movie brought two separate, but mildly related, things to my mind.

The first is that crazy can turn on a dime. The main character...well, I basically dug him for most of the movie. Like I said, he's kinda crazy, but for the most part he's just that lovable, harmless kind of crazy. Like us, I think. I mean, most of us have been there at least once in a while. Some of us live there. But I think that's a lot of what brings and keeps a lot of us together is that little bit of shared insanity that we enjoy. But there are times (in this movie, as well as in life) that you can just somehow step across that border from lovable, harmless crazy into disturbing, creepy, potentially dangerous crazy. Again...maybe some of us have been there once in a while, too. Some of us probably live there, actually, but that kind of thing tends to put a damper on a friendship, at least in my mind. And there's no hard and fast border, I think, outlining when crazy enough becomes too crazy; it probably has a lot to do with comfort zones and such, and anyway it's all subjective. But it was just something I had to stop and think about. Times I stopped digging the main character coincided where the lovable crazy spilled over into the creepy crazy. But all that aside, I just got to thinking how, well, crazy is crazy, sometimes. You can't necessarily pin it down or put it in a box. That's just how crazy is. We gotta keep on our toes.

The other thing it made me think about is this: it's hard to love someone who doesn't love you back and not be a dick about it. Similarly, the times I stopped digging the main character in this flick was when he was a dick about it. But I got it. The feeling struck a chord. It's kinda like..."But I feel so strongly about you; how can you be like this to me?" The twisted sense of entitlement that can make you angry at someone for not loving you back. I feel I've been there, anyway. And I also feel that if I can be in that situation and not be a dick, then I count it as a victory. I mean...overall in life, I find it nice not to be a dick to people regardless. But under normal circumstances, it's easy to not be a dick. I mean, unless you're just naturally a dick, but pretend you're not. Under this particular circumstance, though, trying to navigate a relationship with someone where you're experiencing whatever variety of unrequited love you're experiencing, and you'd still like to be close to someone even though... Hang on, I'm getting tangled up here. Okay, if you're in the space where you can say, out loud or not, "I love you, but you don't love me, but that's okay, we can still be friends," then chances are good you're in a situation where you're going to want to be a dick sometimes. I think that's basically because it hurts. More specifically, someone is hurting you. They don't mean to, and you know they don't mean to, but it hurts just the same. And you feel put upon. You don't deserve this. So maybe you act like a dick about it. Kinda sucks for everybody.

At any rate, I'm not trying to excuse being a dick. I'm just saying I understand it in this case. It's much easier to sit here and pick it apart when I'm not actually experiencing it, but I know I've been there in the past, and I've also been seeing it recently, and it's pretty fucked up. Upon seeing it happen, I didn't really think about it; I just thought to myself, "Damn, some people are dicks!" But now that I saw this movie and thought about it, I get it now. *shrug* I ain't sayin'; I'm just sayin'. Anyway, all of that made me think of Wil Wheaton, too. Wil Wheaton says, "Don't be a dick!"
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