All right, so...I wrote this whole long ramble of a post, didn't even finish it, and I realized it was all so much drivel and didn't really say anything, and now I've thrown it away. So here's the shorter version. A little while back I posted a link to that blog entry about trapezes and liminal spaces and that jazz. People asked me what was on my mind, and in a nutshell, it was this: I had recently been contacted about some job opportunities back in programmer-world. I got two pings, actually, completely unrelated (and on opposite coasts, even), but they just happened to come in around the same time. It actually gave me a lot to think about, which surprised me. I didn't expect so much allure from the idea of taking a few steps back in life, but I realized that what it probably actually meant was getting back to a path that I could approach with a little more confidence and comfort than I've currently got going. That thought had a lot of appeal.
Anyway, to try and keep this short, I'm not taking either job. I'm sticking with what I've got going right now. And while there turned out to be a lot of issues surrounding this thought process, the one relevant to the trapezes is that you've gotta let go once in a while. I'm not, um, very good at moving forward. And it was just a good time to read a piece that reminded me of the value of giving it a try, that was all.
Honestly, there's about a metric ton of extra stuff that I want to talk about that's related to all of this, but I just can't get it into words. Or at least into any words that satisfy. It's getting harder and harder for me to verbalize things. I'm rusting shut. There are times, like now, that this thought really bothers me. But, hell, what can you do. It's only words anyway.